Part 1

It was October of 2008 when the test showed positive.  Finally, after 14 months of trying, we were going to have a baby and we were ecstatic!  In December we found out that it would be a beautiful baby girl that would be joining our family.

On June 3, 2009 I had an appointment with Dr. Horsley.  He told me to go for a walk and then to head upstairs because it was time to have a baby.  There had been a few concerns during the pregnancy so we were anxious to get her here.

I was dialated to a 5 for hours on end with no change.  The doctor finally did some investigating and found that her head was not placed in the correct position for proper delivery.  Once he moved her head into position, I went from a 5 to a 10 and she was born in a matter of minutes.  My mom just happened to be in the room as all of this was happening so she ended up being there for the delivery unexpectedly, which turned out to be an incredible blessing.  We welcomed our sweet baby girl at 5:50 pm.

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I remember the doctor holding her up so I could see her sweet face, just long enough for me to notice the large skin tag and to say "her ear is folded over" just as I realized that there was actually no ear but just a little formation of skin which we later lovingly nicknamed her nubin.

Jared followed Kambri while my mom stayed by my side.  It was a tender mercy that mom was there, I needed her while Jared was whisked away with the baby.

 

Kaden loved her right from the moment he saw her and proudly announced, "my baby's so cute, she has a nipple right on her face".  Years later we still laugh about that.  They simply tied a string around  the skin tag and within just a few weeks it fell off leaving a cute little scar on her cheek that we now love.

The next few days held a whirlwind of events.  Doctors, specialists & test after test consumed us.  I stayed strong, I didn't cry, I refused to cry.  This was my baby girl and I was not going to allow myself to be sad about this.  It wasn't until day 3 when something totally unrelated set me off.  I lost it.  I bawled like a baby.  Jared had gone back to work because he couldn't stand one more minute at the hospital so mom had come to spend the day with us.  I bawled all day long.  I couldn't pull myself together and then the guilt set in.  I had let her down.  I had proven that I wasn't up for the challenge, that I wasn't going to be a good enough mom for her.  I had proven that I was disappointed. 

Over the next few days, weeks and even months I worked through many emotions until I realized that it was okay to be disappointed.  Everyone dreams of a perfect baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and perfect little ears.  Everyone wants the very best for their little ones.  I learned that lots of unknowns & questions, coupled with a wide range of emotions didn't mean that we weren't excited to have her but rather that we loved her so deeply, so unconditionally, so perfectly that we only wanted the very best for her.

What we once considered a trial, we have come to learn is actually one of our very greatest blessings.  Over time our definition of "perfect" changed.  What we once saw as an imperfection, we now see is actually one of the very things that makes her absolutely perfect.